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2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ Vision.
Herebe the MP2020 Almanac for the rest of the year.
(Some fluidity in temporal shifts possible).
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June - Glasthomebury celebration regarded as the best Glasto in 50 years. Creedence play surprise Pyramid stage set to the friesians and the Eavis family, 'Have You Ever Seen the Rain' ushers torrential floods in the Shires, Sofabury becomes Raftbury.
Northern England, Hosepipe ban enforced via Track & Trace. Record weekend visitors to theme parks, Skeggy, and Blackpool. Newcastle go 2nd in Premier League. HS2 planning sees mass migrations from London to post-industrial heartlands. Shortage of garages for rent with surge in garage-rock bands.
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July - Staycations and camping become keeping up with the Jones's. Elon Musk in talks with Mike Ashley. Blackpool requisitions Donkeys all the way to Bethlehem. 🥕
Hosepipe ban in t'North becomes bath-time ban. Bathing in the Mersey on Sunday only. UEFA Champion's League cancelled amidst global pandemic, Liverpool FC retain title. Klopp reported to say "Boom". 🏆
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August - Scottish beaches record warmer waters than Antigua for the first time amidst global heatwave. English having to quarantine at Gretna Green until test results become available. Scotland sending them to Dunedin, NZ causes unnecessary delays. Necessary, the Scottish say as they advance talks to return Berwick-on-Tweed to Scottish hands. Tyres melting on tarmac in Tynemouth. Elon Musk reports irregularities in Newcastle FC's book-keeping.
Craft ale producers switch to two core lines of a lager and a rhubarb saison. Kent, Sussex, Hampshire and Cornwall on target to produce record harvest as Champagne is beset by two months of rains and boar infestation. 🍇🐗
Skeggy sees a housing boom.
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September - COVID19 recedes in UK consciousness despite becoming the World leader, outstripping USA. Hancock pours ice on trade talks calling Trump a loser amidst death toll reports.
First chlorinated chickens hit the UK shelves. Public fury as the Chickens turn purple after two days of refrigeration.
The Sun, Daily Mail and Daily Express go into administration. Murdoch launches Fox News in the UK amidst riots. Thames estuary underwater.
Prince Andrew stands trial in the USA, will he spill the beans on Trump to save his bacon? 🥓
Man City deemed to have contravened FFP regulations, the B team makes the A team.
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October - Chanctonbury Ring becomes a mecca like Quatermass/Close Encounters as U.F.O. activity becomes a nightly light show. Productions range from mininimalist tonal programming to ensemble pieces not heard since Tangerine Dream. All roads in are blocked, thermos flasks advisory.
Barber shops offer one cut only in order to clear the backlog of Yetification during lockdown. The crew-cut is elected by the scientific body, though sideburns can go untouched. Crosby, Still, Nash & Young reissue 'Almost Cut My Hair' as 'Mostly Never Cut My Hair', Neil Young is given free rein to light up his guitar with the use of agent orange thus concluding a 5 minute freak-out. Half Man Half Biscuit head the charts with their single, 'Scratch & Sniff'. 👨🍪
UK Airlines go into admistration. Duty-free sold off as buy one get two free. Uniforms available on eBay.
Global heatwave sees an Indian summer become a Kerelan summer with a surge in banana leaf cooking.
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November - Guy Fawkes Day is commemorated with the accelerated displacement of centralisation, Westminster sets up home in the Royal Liver Building. MPs expenses are further restricted to menu choices of Scouse or Pie-of-the-Day and Chips. Catering provided by homeless incentives to reintegrate into society. Expenses will only cover travel by National Express. Whitehall moves into the Cunard building.
Probe Records enjoys continued resurgence in vinyl sales and moves back into its original home at Button Street. Now licensed, communication with the ghost of Pete Burns is reportedly seen when imbibing Absinthe.
God visits Yorkshire. And decrees cricket the second most important sport in the UK when speaking via Zoom. Also, the best Breweries in the UK by divine acknowledgement. 🇬🇧
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December - The UK booze tolerance has seen massive increase during COVID19 lockdown, craft ale producers switch to two core lines of Imperial Stout with min. abv 12%, and DDH DIPAs. Competitions are open to minors to fashion new recipes. A winning entry by Zach, (7) from Cleethorpes with a Liquorice Allsorts Chocolate Imperial Stout is fully endorsed by Bertie Bassett. A Phileas Fogg-inspired round the world trip is the prize. Fortunately, this can be taken instantly as global weather patterns see record temperatures, the British winter with prevailing westerlys, some mist and murk, but largely warm with drip-drip-drop little April showers.
Amazon go into administration with closure of tax loop holes having been called to pay back unpaid taxes to 2010. A good job Brexit was cancelled is the national sentiment.
