Bobby Moore's Almanac

🔮🚀🛸🇬🇧
2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ Vision.
Herebe the MP2020 Almanac for the rest of the year.
(Some fluidity in temporal shifts possible).

🎸☔
June - Glasthomebury celebration regarded as the best Glasto in 50 years. Creedence play surprise Pyramid stage set to the friesians and the Eavis family, 'Have You Ever Seen the Rain' ushers torrential floods in the Shires, Sofabury becomes Raftbury.
Northern England, Hosepipe ban enforced via Track & Trace. Record weekend visitors to theme parks, Skeggy, and Blackpool. Newcastle go 2nd in Premier League. HS2 planning sees mass migrations from London to post-industrial heartlands. Shortage of garages for rent with surge in garage-rock bands.

⛺⚽
July - Staycations and camping become keeping up with the Jones's. Elon Musk in talks with Mike Ashley. Blackpool requisitions Donkeys all the way to Bethlehem. 🥕
Hosepipe ban in t'North becomes bath-time ban. Bathing in the Mersey on Sunday only. UEFA Champion's League cancelled amidst global pandemic, Liverpool FC retain title. Klopp reported to say "Boom". 🏆

🏖 🦀
August - Scottish beaches record warmer waters than Antigua for the first time amidst global heatwave. English having to quarantine at Gretna Green until test results become available. Scotland sending them to Dunedin, NZ causes unnecessary delays. Necessary, the Scottish say as they advance talks to return Berwick-on-Tweed to Scottish hands. Tyres melting on tarmac in Tynemouth. Elon Musk reports irregularities in Newcastle FC's book-keeping.
Craft ale producers switch to two core lines of a lager and a rhubarb saison. Kent, Sussex, Hampshire and Cornwall on target to produce record harvest as Champagne is beset by two months of rains and boar infestation. 🍇🐗
Skeggy sees a housing boom.

🇺🇸 🐥
September - COVID19 recedes in UK consciousness despite becoming the World leader, outstripping USA. Hancock pours ice on trade talks calling Trump a loser amidst death toll reports.
First chlorinated chickens hit the UK shelves. Public fury as the Chickens turn purple after two days of refrigeration.
The Sun, Daily Mail and Daily Express go into administration. Murdoch launches Fox News in the UK amidst riots. Thames estuary underwater.
Prince Andrew stands trial in the USA, will he spill the beans on Trump to save his bacon? 🥓
Man City deemed to have contravened FFP regulations, the B team makes the A team.

🛸✂
October - Chanctonbury Ring becomes a mecca like Quatermass/Close Encounters as U.F.O. activity becomes a nightly light show. Productions range from mininimalist tonal programming to ensemble pieces not heard since Tangerine Dream. All roads in are blocked, thermos flasks advisory.
Barber shops offer one cut only in order to clear the backlog of Yetification during lockdown. The crew-cut is elected by the scientific body, though sideburns can go untouched. Crosby, Still, Nash & Young reissue 'Almost Cut My Hair' as 'Mostly Never Cut My Hair', Neil Young is given free rein to light up his guitar with the use of agent orange thus concluding a 5 minute freak-out. Half Man Half Biscuit head the charts with their single, 'Scratch & Sniff'. 👨🍪 

UK Airlines go into admistration. Duty-free sold off as buy one get two free. Uniforms available on eBay.
Global heatwave sees an Indian summer become a Kerelan summer with a surge in banana leaf cooking.

🥧🚍
November - Guy Fawkes Day is commemorated with the accelerated displacement of centralisation, Westminster sets up home in the Royal Liver Building. MPs expenses are further restricted to menu choices of Scouse or Pie-of-the-Day and Chips. Catering provided by homeless incentives to reintegrate into society. Expenses will only cover travel by National Express. Whitehall moves into the Cunard building.
Probe Records enjoys continued resurgence in vinyl sales and moves back into its original home at Button Street. Now licensed, communication with the ghost of Pete Burns is reportedly seen when imbibing Absinthe.
God visits Yorkshire. And decrees cricket the second most important sport in the UK when speaking via Zoom. Also, the best Breweries in the UK by divine acknowledgement. 🇬🇧

🍻🍫
December - The UK booze tolerance has seen massive increase during COVID19 lockdown, craft ale producers switch to two core lines of Imperial Stout with min. abv 12%, and DDH DIPAs. Competitions are open to minors to fashion new recipes. A winning entry by Zach, (7) from Cleethorpes with a Liquorice Allsorts Chocolate Imperial Stout is fully endorsed by Bertie Bassett. A Phileas Fogg-inspired round the world trip is the prize. Fortunately, this can be taken instantly as global weather patterns see record temperatures, the British winter with prevailing westerlys, some mist and murk, but largely warm with drip-drip-drop little April showers.
Amazon go into administration with closure of tax loop holes having been called to pay back unpaid taxes to 2010. A good job Brexit was cancelled is the national sentiment.

Rhubarb | Rhubarb | Rhubarb

Once upon a Rhubarb time, there was Rhubarb a strange and idiosyncratically Rhubarb British movie, given over Rhubarb to little Rhubarb in the way Rhubarb of narrative Rhubarb development. One need not Rhubarb have noticed, it got filed Rhubarb somewhere in the memory banks Rhubarb labelled - Rhubarb.

Then the pesky mutt, Roobarb came along, diddle de der diddle de der, diddle de diddle de derr... and his cohort, Custard. They smiled, and scampered along. One was pea green, the other day-glo pink. A show lasted a keen 5 minutes long. Once seen, it's never forgotten, which is neither/neither a good or bad thing, it just is.

Neither film or cartoon informed our culinary or brewing traditions, they were nevertheless a somewhat British quirk of creativity. 

Which brings us on to some craft ale tipples...

Brasserie Saint-Germain & Nøgne Ø, Rhub' I.P.A., Edition Limitee 6.9% abv

Cloudy, very keen head topping, moderate carbonation adds lift to spangley aromas and summer pudding-like flavours of red berries + exotic fruits + herbs, + bready malty esters. 

Dans le bouche, sweet rhubarb (not sour), papaya and guava meet a creamy and malty mouthfeel, with rich caramelised rhubarb tatin on the finish. Yes+

Omnipollo, 411 Magic Numbers 6% abv

Cloudy and opaque (like sandwater), an I.P.A. with saison-like fine carbonation, green resinous sage leaf (and hemp) nose, beneath which lurks a fine seam of sweet strawberries, rhubarb, red berry flavours and a creamy mouthfeel from lactose. Clever, not 'alf!

Mad Hatter Brewery, Rhubarb & Custard 7% abv

Take a bretty Saison from wheat and oats, add lactose and hops, muddle in some forced Yorkshire rhubarb (from the Yorkshire triangle of growers) and treat your fans generously with some fresh vanilla pod. Et Viola, Rhubarbe et Crème. 

A funky bretty nose leads in with earthy vegetable patch tones, a keen effervescence is married with a fresh-as-a-daisy palate, clean and crisp to a tee with sourish rhubarb fruit lending a foil. 

One to repeat > cap > refresh > repeat.

FYI - In the Rhubarb Triangle (area between Morley, Wakefield and Rothwell) there are now only around 12 growers.

Both of these two below are public nuisances.

Hard Sun

A light has gone out. Vanquished, and never to return. Aside from the near and dear, who would notice? Gavin Clark was a singer/songwriter best known for work alongside Sunhouse, Clayhill, and a latter-day U.N.K.L.E. vocalist. It's a name that barely registers in the zeitgeist, amongst the clamour to be heard, the hipper than thou, the fakes and fraudsters, the hullabaloo of the market place. Gavin Clark was free of such trappings. An authentic. A songsmith cut from a different cloth. A Southerner who found home in the urban North of England, in Staffordshire.

There's something truly arresting about seeing an Original in live performance. My epiphany came seeing Clayhill support a Beth Orton tour at Glasgow's ABC, circa 2006. A voice, at once gruff, battered, weary, lived in like some old stained and frayed jeans. Comforting, and unique. The delivery was affecting. The subject matter personally experienced, full of emotion, resonant, universal yet set to a frequency few would hear. Eddies and tidal currents rising and falling through song. Broody, largely introverted, imagistic at times, an English Original.

I've said Original twice already, but not alluded to the light; the glimpse of moonlight through a parted curtain when hope glimmers and shimmers to a sick, dog-tired, hungover or strung-out cosmic dance. The last laugh is on the songsmith. The Sun is hard, perhaps one of the finest songs Gavin Clark crafted, 'Hard Sun', a paean to fresh starts with nothing but wits to rely on, and on 'Hector's Laugh' surging piano chords buoy a song where "the light is going out on the sun". There's songcraft from the twilight of consciousness. 'Monkey Dead' is probably the best drug addiction survival song, in a lineage that includes Neil Young's 'Needle and the Damage Done'. Death is close in a broody spectre, friends have fallen, mortality is a ticking watch. The human experience is one of fragility. Yet the song lives on. 

Gavin Clark communicated the difficult songs, wrenched from experience like some rare metal that has yet to be recognised and classified. File with the Tim and Jeff Buckley if you will. A Post-Millennial Nick Drake. Gavin Clark wasn't a tragic 27 year old doomed romantic whose life was shortly curtailed. I can't comment whether Gavin Clark suffered for his art, but I do know a pugilist in the face of adversity, and Gavin was a sparring partner, whose song is unfailingly affirmative.

There's songs of glee as in 'Buy Me A Suit' like some Beatles' 'Abbey Road' out-take, or 'Beard' with xylophonic chimes to a cartoon strip-like ditty, and the effusive punch-to-the-air of 'Grasscutter'. The best work may well have been saved until last with the yet-to-surface-release, and tracks 'Years Have Loved Us' and 'Calling In the Cards' from the solo album, 'Beautiful Skeletons'. Light is dark, dark is light, the twain have met. Shane Meadows' documentary, 'The Living Room' goes a long way to capture the difficulty that Gavin Clark faced in performing his own songs with an audience. A fright that belies his articulacy.

I feel saddened by Gavin's loss. A loss that is paltry compared to his Family, Friends and band associates. I'm just a long-term fan, a true appreciator. Perhaps a Kindred Spirit. And I never did say "Thank You" to him for the songs that resonate and speak to me. 

"Thank You for the music, Gavin. You were one of a kind. Rest in Peace, Fella"!

The Bouche is most amused!

The Wild Beer Co, Amuse Bouche

Brewed with zest and vigour, plus wild yeasts, thence matured in Burgundian Chardonnay barrels, sporting an oxidative character with high VA, and a sweet n' sour finish, this is a most vinous ale. 

Is this a natural wine,

Is this brettanomyces,

Caught in a farmhouse style,

No escape from the wild yeast.

Open your nose,

Look up to the rafters and beams,

I'm just a humble ale, I need no salinity,

Because I'm easy style, easy quaff,

Lambic style, a little doff,

Anyway the yeast goes, doesn't really matter,

if pithy, to zesty.

(apologies, you know who).

Characterful, charming, most beguiling, could be!

something missing

Mikkeller, Drink'in The Sun, American Style Wheat Beer 

brewed at De Proef Brouwerij, Lochristi-Hijfte, Belgium

Something is missing. Was it even there, was it taken out? Lurking, forgotten in the cupboard and waiting for it's moment to sing, this cheeky low alcohol number from Mikkeller got the synapses firing, the taste-buds a-tingling, excitement at the thought of a tasty bevvie in this combat zone between #DryJanuary vs #TryJanuary. Drink and be glad, even if it is 0.3% abv and has you hoppy mad!

Any good? Yes! Surprisingly, unfathomably, verifiably good. Rarely has low alcohol beer tasted so exciting. Orangely and tawny hued, there's pronounced muscat-like floral aromatics from Amarillo hops, a candied citrus swirl, a deliciously refreshing palate with a dry bitter-lite finish and a delicate carbonation. 

Low alcohol/negligible alcohol beers are normally some bastard off-spring that would be the swill of Temperance Society members. Happily, we too are gifted, and our choices are elasticated. Abstinence, even momentarily, has a new gravitas!

Shnoodlepip by Wild Beer Co

Shnoodlepip by Wild Beer Co + Good George Brewing Co (NZ) + Burning Sky Brewery - 6.5% abv

Once upon a time, there was ale, and there was wine. And never the twain shall meet. Then a dining scene took the palates to hitherto unexplored reaches, and this shook the foundations of common or garden dining. And it shook the manner and authenticity of wine in its'  fermenting, its' ageing, the multiplicity of flavours having signatures as well as sense of place, and woe betide heavy handed manipulation. Brewcraft too explored recipes, Belgique and European heritage, and was prepared to diversify, to boldly take on flavour studding and arrive at complex, dining enhancing beers. These are, indeed, the best of times.

Shnoodlepip, sounds like a Dickensian miscreant. It isn't. It is funky, for sure, funky, sweaty fruit and feral on the nose, clean, linear palate, brettanomyces and subtle spice over a moderately carbonated Saison. Spelt grain is used to lend body, Pink Peppercorns an aromatic spice, Saison and Brettanomyces yeast strains bring a dry spicy character, and finishing with wood-ageing in French red wine barrels for 3 months before a chock load of Hibiscus Flowers complete the brew. Well-toned, this is a 1* Michelin Beer, correct, held in check, sour notes matched by full flavour and twisty windey spice notes, exotic fruit flavours of passion fruit, papaya and guava. I've heard it touted as the World's best beer. It isn't. But the brewers and their experimental edge may well ruffle feathers, garner plaudits and make for great dining beers. It's another meeting place where funky Natural Wines meet Brewcraft, where flavour spectrums inform each other. Which, I suppose, is a love-song of sorts!

Siren Bière de Gouttière, Belgian Saison

Poor man's Champagne, Siren Bière de Gouttière, Belgian Saison 4.4% abv - it's gout! I'd get oot more often if the beverages were as gout as this!

hazy, bone-dry, pin prick carbonation, delicate, refreshing, wood shavings, herbaceous (burdock root!), thyme, dryed grass, sous bois woodland. Easy brew!

Collab brew by Siren + Jon Laffler from Off Colour Brewing (formerly of Goose Island, Chicago).